Where to begin?
Naturally, the beginning of a new blog, is like the beginning of a conversation. It could lead to a wonderful, rewarding new relationship, or it could leave you feeling confused, and uncomfortable. The primary question here is how to share just enough back-story that you are able to understand my forthcoming rambles, but not so much that you are a) put off and never wish to return, or b) able to identify myself or anyone else I’m going to be slagging off here!
Here goes!
My name’s Evelyn (or not.. names may, as the tabloids say, be changed to protect the identities of those mentioned). I’m stuck in a relationship that I hate, with a man who has many positive attributes. Unfortunately, he also has many negative attributes, and at the moment it’s a case of not being able to see the wood (or, as the case may be, positives) for the trees!
So, as you’re joining the story more than half-way through the film, and probably want to know what you’ve missed, I’ll try and rough out a brief précis for you.
I met my boyfriend – let’s call him Esteban, because we can – online, via the wonders of Myspace. We started chatting over shared interests, met up, and started dating long-distance. This sounds very easy, but even at the beginning I had some major qualms which had to be addressed: for instance Esteban is 12 years older than me (so he’s closer to my parent’s age than mine), he has a child (big no-no as far as I’m concerned), and he was living over a hundred miles away!
Regardless of these mis-givings, I allowed Esteban to woo me, and win me, and thus began 4 years of traversing the breadth of the country, and chatting for an hour of two of an evening. He was there for me when I gave up drinking, and (with I think a greater degree of relief) when I started drinking moderately again. I was there for him throughout his custody battle, and supported him throughout his on-going battle with depression.
So, after 4 years of to-ing and fro-ing, I was offered a great opportunity by my employer to study for a professional qualification that I really wanted to gain. Unfortunately, this came with the proviso that I would attend evening classes twice a week, and also find time to study, on top of working full-time. Esteban and I discussed this fully and frankly, with me being of the opinion that I couldn’t do all that and maintain a long-distance relationship, and Esteban fervently opposing any action that would lead to us breaking up.
Esteban attempted to find work on my side of the country, with zero success (despite my pulling all the strings that I could feasibly lay my hands on), and it was eventually decided that I would move in with him, find a job, and he would help me to finance the course of study I was missing out on.
This did not happen!
That is to say, I moved in with him (2 years ago now), and we are still in precisely the same situation we were in before …. he is not financially supporting me, I am working in a low-promotion job, and I’m no closer to having my qualification than ever.
Further to these annoyances was the discovery of several personal habits of Esteban’s that were not evident when we were commuting to spend time with each other (and he had his best company manners out).
Firstly ….. He has NO concept of personal hygiene. I do not exaggerate here when I say that this is a man who bathes once a week, and that under duress!
Secondly …… He has NO concept of house-keeping, he has in fact said to me on more than one occasion such wonderful things as “If you want it doing, you’ll have to do it yourself”, and “Well, you’re the one who wants it clean, why should I tidy up for you?”
Thirdly ……. He has difficulty apportioning me more time than I was receiving as a long-distance girlfriend. I was somewhat discomfited after moving in to discover that the majority of his spare time is spent online with female ‘friends’. Telling him how shitty it makes me feel to be ignored for online ‘friends’, merely leads to Esteban pontificating upon the importance of friends, and telling me that I couldn’t possibly love a man who would ditch his pals for his girlfriend.
So there you have it, you are now here with me, at the point where I am desperately job-hunting for a position in my home-town, so that I can escape from an untenable relationship. All my friends and family are on alert to help with moving, once the fabled job appears, and I have started this blog in an attempt to reconnect with the ME that has been completely submerged by my crappy relationship!
Expect this blog to be heavy on pictures of handsome men, musings about my hideous relationship, and ultimately (if all goes well) dissertations on the relative merits and de-merits of any potential suitors I may attract once I return to the dating game!
Welcome!
Evelyn's Ascendance 