I am not, in fact, battling against the quasi-famous elderly rockers.
Instead I am trying to make some personal headway against the huge weight of inertia that is currently my life.
I have applied for a couple more jobs in my home-town, and I am trying to reinforce positive things about myself to myself each day.
Today’s slogan was the slightly lacklustre “You have good teeth”, but it’s easier for me to get behind than “anyone would be lucky to have you”, or “you deserve someone who is happy to be with you, not just happy to be with SOMEONE”, which have been other mantras of the last couple of weeks.
Unfortunately, in the first case I am unconvinced of the truth behind this statement … I know myself, and I’m difficult, and demanding, and have several unpleasant personality traits. On the other hand, I can get behind the latter statement. Unfortunately, it is also rather depressing to ponder the fact that Esteban clearly isn’t embodying this fact. Surely, if he were, he would be prepared to meet me half-way and compromise on some of the things that are making me feel more surely with every day that once I have escaped from his house, I will not be seeing him again!
Nevertheless, I must try and convince myself that life will get better, and that I deserve for MY life to get better.
To this end we have the above musical clip and photograph. I love the song, and Mr Hiddleston (pictured … it’s not my picture … copyright infringement yaddayaddayadda) is the epitome of what I find attractive.
I’m trying to remind myself of what it is that I do find attractive in a man; as Esteban, and the boyfriend prior to him, were both chosen exclusively on the basis of personality, and Esteban is not in any way representative of what I find beautiful (unfotunately, and it is cruel to say so, but no less true).
When I am finally free again, and able to look about me for new suitors, I shall have to remember that I deserve to be attracted to my partner. I should not have to choose between physical and personal compatibility, and I most certainly should never again ‘settle for what I can get’, when rejected by someone that I do find both physically and personally attractive.
On this happy note, I shall end this week’s post with a most sincere and heartfelt wish for any part of the £122m Euromillions Lottery Jackpot. All I need to make good my escape is about £1500 … surely the beneficent Lotto Gods can arrange that for me 🙂